im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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