i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize