I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
from now on my penis is your penis
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
