I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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