i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
