I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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