He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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