Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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