Do you still have your period?
I think I won the penis lottery.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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