hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
