Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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