god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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