I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
