my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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