I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Sponge bath it is.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
