I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
