i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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