Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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