so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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