white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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