I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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