Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
