Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
