I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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