Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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