I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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