Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
