i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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