I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize