Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i will never coherently bang her
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
