this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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