So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
