Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
