Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize