a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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