dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
