Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize