So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
