What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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