Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
