if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
