Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize