I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i think my tv is drunk
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
