Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
