Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
