I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
