His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
