my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
