Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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