Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
her vagine was all disorganized.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
