okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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