when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
