I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
