'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
