u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
