I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
