Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
