Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
