omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize