Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
