Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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