i just sent this text using only my big toe
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
