I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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